Get Me Rex Kramer!: August 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Dr Creepy holds Nick Cafardo at gun point and forces him to write this article

I saw this article on the Globe tonight and it just felt like Dr. Creepy's reign of terror of controlling all the media in Boston is starting to take shape. I mean who gives a shit if a stadium that holds 37K only gets 32K to go to the games each night. It's not that big of an issue. But anyway Cafardo seems absolutely stunned that the place is not selling out anymore. Well sir, let me give you a few reasons why the place is not selling out.

Sox Fans intensely dislike the owners. This does play a small part I believe. you look at these assholes and say to yourself, why give them my hard earned money when they don't give a shit about this team. In Boston we have two awesome owners (Kraft and Grousbeck) and two shitty owners (these fucking guys and Jacobs). Recently the Bruins have taken a giant step forward and realized everyone hates Jacobs and he made Neely the face of the franchise. But why do we love Kraft and Grousbeck the most? because they truly fucking care about their teams. Even if it's an act, which I don't think it is, because people from Massachusetts can smell bullshit, it's an act we are buying.

2011 & 2012. I know its not fair to compare this team to those teams, but still it stings

Baseball is boring. A typical game is over 3 hours long, a Sox Yankees games is usually 4+ hours long. Who wants to invest that much time in anything. (except of course reading this blog)

HDTV. My cable bill costs as much as my mortgage right now. Why the hell do I want to go into the city to watch the game when its on TV?

Fenway Park Sucks. I feel like if you say this to anyone over the age of 50 they lose their mind, but seriously the park sucks. Its so awkward and so small and the seats are uncomfortable. Yes all the bars and restaurants outside Fenway are great, but the actually park blows.

Lastly the most important thing, the cost. For the cost of a Red Sox game, you can get a hotel room down the Cape for two nights. I'm a father of a family of four. I know my two kids will have more fund playing at the beach then sitting in a 100 year old seat for 4 hours. and the best part the hard working hotel owner gets my hard earned money and not this guy.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Rolling Stone and Ron Borges are a worst threat to our national security than Syria

Well if Rolling Stone magazines goal was to never have a paying customer from Massachusetts again they definitely achieved their goal. Obviously the Tsarnev dreamboat photo was disgusting, but then to go ahead and try to blame BB for the murder of Odin Lloyd, I mean a guy who is a king in this state, is ridiculous. Just some points that from this horrible piece of shit that they call journalism:

Hernandez smoked PCP. Ok he probably did, we know he smoked weed, but he probably also did LSD and coke too. Hernandez is a murdering psychopath so you could tell me he did every drug on the planet and I would not be shocked.

BB told Hernandez to get a safe house. Get the FUCK outta here.

Urban Meyer covered up a drive by shooting. UM is a scumbag, but so is every college football coach. I know things are ass backwards in the South and UM probably covers up a lot of shit for his players, but a drive-by? I don't think UM could pull that off. I mean if I'm looking to cover up a drive by shooting I'm not going to a 40ish year old white guy to cover it up.... then again maybe I am. ...... anyway just not enough sources to back this crazy claim up.

BB hired the current head of security for the Pats. As much as I would like to admit BB hired this guy we all know he didn't. I mean just look at Briggs resume for a quick second. Its fucking unreal in regard to military shit and security, the guy is top notch, but BB is more worried about the draft board and the 4-3 defense. The Kraft family is more worried about their billion dollar stadium getting bombed from al Qaeda than BB, so I'm making a crazy guess here and saying the Krafts hired Briggs and not BB. Briggs job as head of security is to ensure the security of the stadium and its attendants. We all want to think Briggs is Mike Ermantraut and digging up dirt on all the Pats players, but BB is not Gustavo Fring and the Patriots are not Los Pollos Hermanos. They are trying to win NFL games not build a meth empire.

NFL teams claiming they took Hernandez off the draft board. Ok where were these teams 4 months agao????These teams are the same type of people who say they knew Blackberry would be obsolete. No you didn't. 4 years ago almost everyone had a blackberry, and 4 years ago Hernandez looked like a 1st round pick. Yes he dropped because he was a fucking asshole, but don't tell me you took him off your board. If the pats don't take him in the 4th round, some other fucking team drafts him in the 5th round.

Patriots players go to strip clubs in Southie. Not sure how the fuck that is possible because there are no fucking strip clubs in Southie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patriots players go to Brockton to get weed. HAHAHA! I mean come on. Why the hell would a pats player drive to Brockton to get weed? 1st of all if they need weed it probably gets delivered to them, 2nd of all I'm sure w/ the injuries these guys get they easily could get an RX for it and 3rd, I don't know who the fuck cares it's weed.

Lastly how is it that ALL OF THE SUDDEN!!!!!!!!!!! out of nowhere the Rolling Stone gets all these sources, but not the Globe, Herald, Pro-Jo, NESN, CSNNE and the hundreds of other local media in this region, not to mention national media and the blogosphere. You know why because 50% of this shit is made up.

If you dont shed a tear during this, you do not have a soul.

Just found out this little girl is from Stoughton. Her oldest sister has been my daughters swim teacher in the past. She will beat this.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Houston Astros are the most profitable team in MLB history

I don't think why people are beyond pissed about this. I know its a scumbag move by the Astros owner, but he is treating it like a business and making a shitload of cash. Buy Low, Sell High. So that is that.

HOWEVER.... baseball is supposed to be a game. So in a game there are rules and I think this is why MLB needs to apply a hard salary floor of $60 million per team. Because teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers and Phillies are contributing to the Astros financial fortune via revenue sharing. Its like a weird sports combo of capitalism and socialism. I think applying this hard cap will also make MLB a more competitive game. I mean the Royals and Pirates are always profitable and they are usually (until recently) a fucking mess. Basically if you just mail it in you will get paid, there's really no motivation for those franchises to succeed. I don't even know why I'm bitching about this because MLB will never change. Applying a simple rule like this seems common sense, but how can I trust an organization to make a common sense decision if they cant even suspend A-Rod after he was caught red-handed with steroids.

Gays cutting people with rings to spread AIDS

Jesus Christ Obama! Stop worrying about fucking Syria and start taking care of business here in America. Right now we need to start repealing all gay rights and start going after these assholes. Our children's future is at stake!

PS. What the fuck is up with Jerry Garcia giving commentary?

Monday, August 26, 2013

77-55

That's the Red Sox record right now. 1.5 games up in the East. 132 down, 30 to go. 3 more wins and my prediction of 79 wins for the season is a joke and I could not be happier. But there is nothing to celebrate now, we have seen this team shit their pants, time and time again when shit gets real but I think we can all agree that this team is A LOT! different than 2011. The pitching staff is on fire and the offense is not unreal, but efficient and that ladies and gentlemen is the sign of a winning team in today's post-PED era. So the remaining teams to play:

Orioles: 9 games
White Sox 3 games
Tigers 3 games
Yankees 7 games
Rays 3 games
Blue Jays 3 games
Rockies 2 games

So I know I said a week or so ago that 95-97 wins clinches the division. I am still sticking to that call. However I'm making a small tweek to that, I think 94 wins also gets it done. Time will tell. but right now an 18-12 run makes the Sox at 95 wins. I don't think it will be a cake walk at all, but if Peavy, Lester, Lackey and Dubront keep up their current performances I don't know many other teams that have a top 4 like that that can compete w/ us. Maybe Detroit, but lets worry about that when we get there. Yes I excluded Bucholz. fuck him. Bold Prediction right here, this team makes a run w/out Bucholz. Something will happen shortly after Labor Day that shuts him down for the year and the Sox look to trade him over the offseason. but that will be another blog for another day.

Yikes! Selig might wanna give Wally a PED drug test. Dudes biceps are out of control here!

I am so sick of hearing about Scott Fucking Brown

Honest to shit this article caused me to have horrible, horrible diarrhea. And then you watch the video and I just question life. I didn't start this blog to get political, but even if I did why would I mention Scott Brown. Dude was a senator for less than 3 years, but he is ALWAYS! in the news. And when he is on the news he is either dragging his feet about entering another election race or doing shit like this. He is not ever going to run for office again, so the guy can just cut the shit. But the fact that he even mentions it gets people all hot and bothered. I guess I am being a hater, because he is allowed to do this shit, since he is one out of 6 republicans in the whole state of Massachusetts, but fuck man, just stop rubbing it in.

Will Gale Bedekker always be known as Gale Bedekker?

To me yes, but I am a huge Breaking Bad guy, but I think almost every white person in the world is a Breaking Bad fan. I don't think its a bad thing. I have actually seen him in two things since he was offed by Jesse. He was in Lincoln and he's got a big role in the new AMC series Low Winter Sun. The guy is a really good actor, but each time I see him I say "oh what's Gale up to now?"

PS: look up the cast of episode 14. Krazy 8, Jane, Mike and Gale return. Holy Eff!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Best Law & Order SVU episode ever is airing this fall

Well this will be interesting. I can not wait to watch this episode. It will be appointment viewing at the McGuire household. My bet is that a racist restaurant owner demands that her black cook use more butter in this cooking, but the black cook has a conscience and is worried about the ongoing obesity problem in the black community. He refuses to use more butter in his cooking. Tension builds between the racist owner and the black cook. One night the racist owner is drinking heavily with a fellow racist patron and bitching about Obamacare, the chef who is clearly agitated makes a comment about how Obamacare is good for the middle-class. Tension is at all time high. The cook goes back to the kitchen, the racist patron throws down a shot of Jack, says goodbye to the racist owner and walks out the door. The owner is still agitated and follows the cook into the kitchen. The owner sees a butcher knife missing from the kitchen and senses the cook is going to stab her. She grabs the nearest sharp object (a butter knife) and walks into the back of the kitchen. The walk in cooler door is ajar. The racist owner walks in and the cook shouts "Hey, you still here?" startled by his loud voice the owner jabs the butter knife into the cooks throat and he falls down, convulses and dies. The owner sees the butcher knife outside the walk in cooler door. She grabs a towel, picks up the knife and places it in the dead cooks right hand. Queue the law and order music, cut to commercial.

OMG! We're out of butter!!!!!

Ichiro really only has 2,722 hits

Everyone is going nuts saying Ichiro has 4,000 hits this morning, but then I look up his stats today on Baseball Reference and he only has 2,722 hits so MLB is counting the other 1,278 hits from Japan. Talk about the wussification of America. Do not get me wrong Ichiro is still a HOF, but let’s stop jerking him off here for just a minute. I mean under these rules all MLB players should count their AAA hits and college hits right? I do not know why Ichiro gets to include his Japan League hits. My Grandfather is rolling over in his grave right now over this shit.

Why are they cheering me for 4,000 hits?? Oh ya that's right, Americans suck at math.

Gronk gives Brockton kids $45,000 worth of football equipment

I guarantee you will not here about this from the anti – patriots jihadists (Felger, Mazz, Borges, I'm looking at you), whose job is to portray Gronk as a guy who just parties and doesn’t care about his team or healing his body. Nope, you will not hear this story from them because that would not help their jihadist agenda. Anything or anyone who makes the Patriots look good is considered an infidel, and the story is not reported and silenced. This explains why you are reading about it in the Brockton Enterprise and not the Globe or Herald.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

India is Bullshit about the price of Onions

People protesting, governments falling Shit is getting real in India. So bad now, that people are robbing onion trucks. I was always under the assumption that India was a peaceful country, which they typically are but if you fuck with their food, you are in a world of pain.

ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

LSD is good for you

I get this, if you are some crazy asshole who walks around saying they see demons but then you take LSD, then you really are fucking seeing demons, so BOOM mental health problem solved. Now you really are seeing the demons because you’re on LSD buddy, might even see a flying submarine and a pink elephant or two as well buddy, which is a lot more enjoyable then seeing demons. Honestly we are getting to the point now that all drugs that are illegal are really good for you. Plus shit like meth and bath salts are basically making doing LSD seem as dangerous as talking advil now. I would not be surprised if next week we hear a story that Meth use cures toothaches. Actually that is true when you think of it, I mean you use meth, you lose all your teeth so you can’t have toothaches. I think I just made an amazing scientific discovery.

Alice? did you drop acid again?

Slackers want 63% raise.

You give these occupy hippies a 63% and next year they’ll ask for a 150% raise and then 10 years from now the whole country will go to shit because then everyone would make a livable wage, have a decent 401k and health insurance . I mean if that happens who are corporations and the government going to oppress? I mean wants the point of being rich when you can’t drive by a crappy neighborhood and says things like “shit that must suck” or seeing a dude work for 8.50 an hour at Dunkin and say “glad Im not that guy” you give these type of people decent wages and it ruins the morale of this country.

yeah, that's right I work at BK and drive a beamer

Scumbag steals 3 year old’s IPAD, cop buys him a new one.

This is a just a simple good vs. evil story right here. I mean on one side you have someone without a soul stealing a kids IPD, but then on the other side, you have a cop going out of his way to buy the little boy a new one. I know I'm an asshole sometimes and bitch about cops, but not in this case. I hope we find out who the cop is, but I bet we wont because this cop is just doing a selfless act, more worried about the kid than anything else. And to the person who stole this little boys I-pad, I hope you have irritable bowels for the rest of your life and get locked in a cell with no toilet paper. Boston News, Weather, Sports | FOX 25 | MyFoxBoston

Cro just killing people at Jets practice

You just know coach BB offered to pay a week of Cro's child support to make this happen. How else could this sack of shit be motivated to do this at Jets practice. The team sucks, the coach is a lame duck and you are the laughing stock of the NFL. What can motivate a man with more children than the population of a small town in Iowa? hmmm. BB's genius never surprises me.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Toronto Transit Workers Refuse to Wear Red, White and Blue Uniforms

These communist assholes are claiming they will not wear these new uniforms because they are the same colors as the Montreal Canadiens. But lets get real here, you cant bullshit a bullshitter Canada. The reason you refuse to wear these uniforms is because you hate America and are the #1 supporters of Al Qaeda. I don't care if Toronto is not part of America, everyone should be honored to wear the red, white and blue, so to lie about it and say its because Montreal has the same colors. Get the fuck out of here. Also any country that spells color "colour" and uses the metric system should be considered an enemy of the state.

How is weei still in business?

Honestly has this station reached rock bottom yet? Probably not. We need to wait till the Red Sox pull away from there contract with weei before the station is officially dead. With today's news of the celtics leaving the station and possibly going to the sports hub why would a) anyone even listen to weei and b) more importantly why would anyone advertise on their station? I honestly can't think of one thing they have done right in the past 5 years. Fired dale Arnold and replacing him with some guy I have never heard of, firing big o and replacing him with some guy I have never heard of and just refusing to fire Dennis and Callahan and giving them two other guys to replace meterparel which just is not working. The only bright spot they had was giving Jen Royle a weekend show but then she left for herald radio. It's just mind boggling how they just continue to fuck up. All in all by this time next year weei won't even exist.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Papa John's won't tell the public what ingredients are in their "Pizza"

The shit that Papa John's makes doesn't even deserve to be qualified as "pizza". I don't know what to call it. Lets just call it shit because I cant think of another creative term at the moment.

Overall, fast food chains have been in the news a lot lately. But the stuff in the news has all been pretty pointless. You know, like Fast Food is bad for you and these places won’t list their ingredients. But at the same time this is America so if you don’t know fast food is not good for you then you are a moron and also if you think it is shady that a some fast food places wont list their ingredients then just don’t eat there. Listen Papa Johns pizza is awful, so I am not going to eat there if they tell me they make their pepperoni out of Kobe Beef and their tomatoes are some rare crossbreed made in a lab by Stephen Hawking, but what the eff are we talking about here? When you order a pizza you already know the ingredients, I mean you as the consumer pick the effn ingredients. Pizza is sauce, dough, cheese, and whatever effn toppings you choose. And since papa john’s gives their pizza away all the time for about $11 for a large pie you can bet you’re ass all the ingredients are frozen and the lowest quality. So I don't know why this is even a story. I think the bigger story I have is why does Papa John only wear red shirts? and why does this asshole always have to be in the commercials telling us that his pizza is so effn great. Bro, buy some new shirts and get the eff out of your commercials. I don't even eat your pizza and I'm sick of looking at your ugly mug.

Hey!!!!! who's that guy on the box? oh? its me.

England wants to move the Qatar World Cup to another country because it’s too hot there…

Wusses! 50 degrees? Get out there in play
Get out there in play! Oh wait that’s Celsius, which is 122 in how we actually report weather in America. Yikes! That could be a little hot! Giving Qatar the World Cup in 2022 was the dumbest thing I have ever heard, but they are the richest country in the world so they just paid there way to get the cup. The EPL is whining if Qatar decides to play the World Cup in the winter that the EPL will not move their season around to accommodate a winter World Cup. Since the EPL is the richest soccer league in the world this is basically a pissing contest between a bunch of rich people. One side is angry white Euro guys the other side is rich middle eastern oil barons. All in all this World Cup in Qatar is going to happen. You want to know why? ITs because Qatar has more money and power than anyone else in the whole fucking world. The EPL is basically like a bunch of Occupy Wall Street hippies to Qatar. Yes it will be hot, but don’t you think FIFA should of noticed that before granting them the World Cup. Hello its in the desert. Who is running FIFA Lloyd Christmas? Cut the sh*t. Anyway all the stadiums will be air-conditioned so the players can quit their bitching. And as for spectators, if you want to risk your life and go to a middle eastern country to watch soccer, be my guest. I think terrorism would be more of a concern for you then the effn heat.

Sweet place to play soccer!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Mexican Chick says Domino's is the Best Pizza Ever.

I knew living in Mexico was bad with the rampant corruption, the cartels,working for 75 cents an hour and water than gives you 24/7 diarrhea, but I DID NOT think that it would be this bad. So bad that you would think Dominoes is the best pizza ever? Dominoes could not even take it seriously, because they know the shit they sell you is just dough w/ cheese. No wonder so many people from Mexico are crossing the border illegally and coming to America. I can just see families in Mexico weighing the pro and cons of traveling thru the desert and coming to America. There is so doubt in my mind decent pizza is at the top of that list.

Things are looking prettty, pretty good for the New York Jets so far...

Mark Sanchez throws a pick six in his 1st pre-season game, Rex Ryan says Geno Smith sucks. Other than that things look pretty, pretty good for the Jets.

People are really pissed about Chara going to Martin Hossas Stanley Cup Party?

You have got to be kidding me w/ this shit.
I mean Hossa was Chara’s best man at his wedding. It’s his good buddy, he took a picture of him w/ the Stanley freaking Cup. I’m not offended. This is not even remotely close to Seguin. I mean Seguin was immature and he would rather party than play playoff hockey. Chara just went to his best bro’s Stanley Cup party. In the world of cube monkeys it would be if your best bro invited you to a lifetime achievement award company party where he was a recipient but the company your best bro works for is a your company's rival. Would your co-workers be pissed off at you? I seriously doubt anyone on the Bruins is mad at Chara for doing this, if they are then they really need to question their life values. Apparently this picture really went up Joe Haggerty’s ass sideways though. Again these assholes just LOVEto stir up controversy, because they need to write about something, or else they’ll be unemployed.

If you’re offended by this picture, then please do society a favor and go climb the nearest tall tree and jump.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Is Pujols contract worse than A-Rod’s?

Every since A-Rod has come back there was non stop chatter about how awful his contract is, which do not get me wrong is fucking horrendous, but I don’t feel bad because it is the Yankees and they can go to hell. But taking a closer look at A-Rods deal he only has 4 years left and in the remaining 4 years of his deal his salary drops. He’ll get 25M in 2014, 21M in 2015 and 20M in 2016 and 2017. He also gets 30M each time he passes a HR milestone, but time will tell when that happens. And if it does I don’t think the Yankees will mind paying it because the media attention on the organization will be nuts, not that the Yankees need it, but still publicity is publicity. Also with A-Rods’ looming suspension the Yankees most likely will not pay all of the $25M due in 2014.

On the other hand we have Pujols who right now is done for the year and he just is not the same ever since signed with the Angels. He is 33 (which in Dominican years is really 36) and he is on the team for another 8 years went he’ll be 41 (or 44 in Dominican years). PLUS!!!! His salary goes up every year of the contract. This year he made 16M in 2021 he’ll make 30M. I mean I still think Pujols will be good but he will not be 30M good, nobody is, especially at the age of 41! Factor in his awful contract w/ the contract of Josh Hamilton and CJ Wilson and w/ the Rangers and Athletics continuing to always have success I don’t think the Angels ever make the playoffs as long as Pujols is there. Yep, I just said that next time the Angels make the playoffs will be 2022. Bold prediction by me, talk to me in 10 years to congratulate me when I’m right.

Remember this Baseball Preview cover from last year? Angels still have not even sniffed the playoffs.

Its harder to buy nail polish remover now than an AR-15

Americans might be lazy as hell but you can not question our motivation and determination when it comes to making meth and stop people from making meth. It amazes me that we cant fucking agree on how to solve real issues like social security and medical care but when it come to meth we get shit done! And it doesn’t matter what side of the meth fence you are on. If you are someone who loves meth and wants to make it, you’ll find a fucking way to make it. “Well Ok big government you say I cant buy 100 cases of Sufafed to make a batch of ice, well screw you I’m using nail polish remover, oh I cant use nail polish remover now, I'm going to start using cheap cologne and hair spray”. And then on the other side of the fence you have the feds, who invented meth in the 1st place, going to great lengths to prevent the meth heads from making meth. At the drop of a dime they just change policies to prevent this, but meanwhile some terrorist asshole could walk into Home Depot right now and buy all the products needed to build a bomb and no way gives a shit, but meth! SLOW THE fuck down grandma, we need all your personal info before you buy that nail polish remover. Completely bonkers! If I’m Walgreens or Rite Aid I'm tapping into the meth market, just making a mockery out of CVS, I'm putting out pull page ads in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal. NAIL POLISH REMOVER BUY 1 GET 1 FREE, UNLIMITED AMOUNTS! NO ID REQUIRED!

Morons want to leave Earth for Mars

Seriously just leave! I hope these 100,000 morons live in Massachusetts, because we have to many people living here to begin with. It would free up the traffic congestion on 128. And good luck to you idiots too w/ the whole no water and no oxygen thing on Mars, but I mean other than that I think you’ll be ok. I hear the real estate market on Mars is booming right now, you don’t want to pass that up.

Arnold just saw Maria's mother naked. AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Brandon Meriweather to save Redskins pass defense

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Good luck w/ that Washington. Any NFL team that is counting on a former Patriots secondary guy to help them out is in a world of hurt.

VIP on SWOLE!

The answer to America’s Education Crisis…

is the Wu Tang Clan. Rosetta Stone and Sid the Science Kid are for losers, if you really want to learn English as a 2nd Language or learn about the universe pick up the 36 chambers and the W album. Everything you need to know is right there in 60 + minutes of rap lyric brilliance.

RIP ODB

Monday, August 12, 2013

People are losing their shit about Russia not being nice to the gays

I know this is a big deal. People are calling for bans of the winter games in February and to outright pull the games out of Russia when they happen in less than six months. I mean are we really going to punish every single Olympic athlete that has trained forever to get to the Olympics because Russia is ass-backwards when it comes to gay rights? That does not sound fair at all. That's not what Jesse Owens did in 1936. That guy did the exact opposite. "oh Hitler you don't like the blacks? well let me just win every single fucking medal in track and field and tell you how my ass tastes." I mean is Russia seriously about this shit? I mean at least half the Winter Olympics sports are gay. Figure Skating? I think you have to be gay to compete right? Luge? you see what those guys have to wear? FFFFFFFFFAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBUUULLOOOOUSSS! Cross Country Skiing? show me a straight guy that likes to cross country ski? Curling? 10X gayer than figure skating. Honestly I don't know why Russia decided to host the Winter Olympics in the 1st place if they hate the gays so much, because basically every Olympic sport is gay. Anyway I think the real problem that we as a society need to be worried about is Qatar hosting the World Cup in 2022. Not only is being gay a crime in Qatar, but alcohol is banned there! How the fuck can you have a World Cup without booze? Now that my friends is effing outrageous!

Just let Brigette do all the talking

Stupid Tampa Bay

I know people have probably already seen this, but I had to spew my thoughts on it.

The worst part of this video is that it’s the Rays. Just a butch move in my opinion, I mean I thought this type of shit only existed in kid movies about baseball. I’m pretty sure this move was not even present in the Sandlot. But you just know Joe Maddon loves this crap. The guy already thinks he invented the game of baseball, so now he probably thinks this is the apex of his career. For him pulling off the hidden ball trick in a MLB game is more honorable than winning the World Series.

Ice Cream man does not know his target market

Talk about not knowing your target market buddy Everyone knows Cocaine is a rich man’s drug, so I really don’t know why this dude is selling it from an ice cream truck where the target market is 6 year olds and stay at home mothers. I mean the code work for getting coke is “vanilla” real original buddy. No way the cops would figure that out. This guy is the exact opposite of Gus Fring when it comes to managing a food business and selling drugs.

This man embarrasses my trade.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Is anyone really going to watch the Premier League on NBC Sports?

NBC Sports is going to show every Premier League game on all of their NBC networks starting next weekend, but are people going to watch it? I know there are a lot of hardcore soccer fans out there so yes of course they will watch it, but also the NFL is starting too, so how can you expect normal sports fans to tune in? Also how can you root for a specific team if you don't have a team to root for? They have this team picker on the NBC Sports website but it is really stupid. I've done this thing a few times and Liverpool always comes up. Which OHMYTHEWAY is the team that Uncle Larry and Dr. Creepy own. What a shocker that they would want all Red Sox fans to root for Liverpool. I'm sure there are so really good people in England who root for Liverpool, but I know that I just want to see them fail miserable. So in short I will be watching keeping a close eye on the Premier League this year just to root against Liverpool.

Friday, August 9, 2013

FOOTBALL TONIGHT!!!!!!!!

Epic Battle for 1st place in the CFL western division. Saskatchewan vs. Calgary. Saskatchewan is undefeated so far this year, and the only loss that Calgary has had this year was at the hands of Saskatchewan. It's going to be an epic battle. I'll be watching premier regular season football while the rest of you knuckleheads are watching Ryan Mallet throw wounded ducks.

EPIC BATTLE TONIGHT!

Straight Cash Homey!

Straight Cash Homey! I love this move! Randy as an analyst. This will definitely be entertaining. He has not even started yet and he's already better than Michael Irvin. Too bad Keyshawn couldn't leave ESPN and join him on Fox. The site of those two guys just blabbing about god knows what would be worth the price of my monthly cable bill.

How the fuck does Wal-Mart Stay in Business?

Just a quick tip to save you time, this senior director at Wal-Mart is a moron comparing
12 lowly paid interns at the Nation to the thousands of Wal Mart employees. I mean come on buddy, you need a better comeback than that. I get you probably have these liberal sonofabitches exposing your awful labor practices but still do a little homework before making an ass out of yourself. But back to the point at hand, how does Wally World stay in business? And not only does it continue to stay in business, but it is constantly pulling in record profits. Obviously all this bad press for them does not affect the bottom line, in fact it probably is better for them because its free advertising. “Hey! Who is america’s favorite retailer than treats their employees like shit? WAL-MART!!! Come on down because not only are rolling back prices we’re rolling back employee benefits and salaries.” Personally I cant shop there. No, not because I'm some nut job activist making a statement, its because the place is fucking gross. Just make a trip to the Wal-Mart in Avon, and if you don’t walk out of there w/ some sort of sickness then consider it a small victory for yourself.

The Boss w/ a Wal-Mart Welcome Jacket? Sure why not?

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Immigrant Mexicans create jobs! HUH?

Just another sad depressing day for racists really. I mean for years now I've been hearing how Mexicans are coming to America and stealing all our jobs but now I read this and it's the exact opposite. Down is up, Up is Down. So I guess the cure to your endless shitty economy is more Mexicans??? whatever works I'm on board.

PS I don't get why the Looney Tunes people chose a fast mouse as a Mexican stereotype? There has to be some underlying racial meaning to it, but I just don't get it.

Welker says Coach BB is an asshole

First off I love Welker I'm not one of these Pats fans who thinks that he is a bum now since he is no longer wearing the Flying Elvis. I also think BB is the best coach in the game of our era. But I do think Wes is being a little odd here. Please don’t tell me you left because of Coach BB. We all know it was about straight cash homey. So that’s that. But to say that Coach BB got on him harder than ever before, I mean sorry guy, you were getting paid top dollar to be our best WR, so with all that money comes a lot of responsibility. I mean I know BB is a complete dick sometimes, but he also is the boss. I know when Welker said those foot jokes before the Jets Playoff Game loss it drove BB nuts and he sat him out on the 1^st series of that game. It was dumb and BB does have some dumb rules in regard to the media, but don’t we all have dumb sh*t rules at our place of employment? Sometimes you ask yourself, why the crap do we even have to do obide by this rule in regard to taking off a day from work or why the crap is this website blocked? (non-adult people!!!!) and yes it probably is stupid, but if you don’t follow those rules you risk pissing off your boss and then having them hold a grudge against you. So you just follow through, sit in your cube in misery for 8 hours as you wonder if prisoners have more rights in a cell than you do in your cube and you move on with life. So yes BB probably has some ridiculous rules in regard to the media as coach of the Pats but I also have Shutterfly blocked at my work, which prevents me from looking at pictures of my children from our recent vacation. Both dumb rules yes, but Im not going to walk out of here because of it. Overall both guys had very different personalities and it worked for a long time, but it is probably better both moved on.

PS. The broncos will not be as good as people think this year. I say 10-6.

They still can't find the gun????

I cant fucking believe this asshole might get away with it.

Aaron Hernandez is the stupidest fucking criminal in the history of life. Renting a car, killing a guy a ½ mile from his house, security cameras of himself at his own home….. I could go on and on and on, but then you read this story and you learn that they still have not found the murder weapon, which I think means they can not convict him of the murder. I mean I’m not a legal expert, but I’m pretty sure you need the murder weapon to convict. Because right now there were 3 guys at the scene of the murder. One dude says he was asleep in the car (ok buddy) and then Hernandez and another outstanding citizen from Bristol, CT. Of course one of these a-holes did it, but we don’t know who. (Personally I think the sonofabitch did it) but just the thought that Hernandez could potential walk away from a murder charge is infuriating, it’s almost as bad as hearing 3 people from new Jersey won the powerball yesterday.

Murder weapon? who me?

One pitch strikeout

Well this is a good way to speed up the game. I like it. Drive me fucking bananas when batters take forever to get in the batters box for a pitch. I have the attention span of a gnat, but Im a big baseball guy and the game crawls at a snails pace sometimes that I question why I am even watching the game. I am 115% on board w/ this. This should be a bigger priority than instant replay.

Dr. Cheech Gupta

its 2013. How is weed still illegal?
I think we can all agree that we have a billion more problems in this world than some hippies taking bong hits. We all know Nixon made this stuff illegal in the 1^st place to pissed off the hippies, now it is not illegal because a) the government would lose millions of jobs because they are constantly busting people for weed, b) so many lobbyists from the alcohol industry want it to stay illegal because once weed is legal they will lose a HUGE market share and c) the pharm industry would also lose millions of dollars because instead of taking Prozac people will be smoke jibba. I feel in civilized places like the east and west coast we have made progress but there is still a huge majority of people who still want it illegal. Honest to shit let the free market decide, Big govt should nt tell us if we can or can not have our weed.

PS. once Dr.OZ shares the opinion as Dr. Gupta forget about it game over. Once Dr. Oz speaks all the soccer moms get on board and that is an army no one wants to fuck with

Time to talk Sox

70 wins w/ 46 games left to play. The reason I am writing that is because last year the Sox won 69 games total. Unbelievable turnaround so far by this team. Fun to watch, they never give up and now we could potentially make a run for the World Series trophy. I’m starting to smell another butchered Menino speak and a duckboat parade. I never thought that was possible at the start of the year. I said 79 wins at the beginning of the year. That does not look like it is going to happen and never in my life has it felt so good to be so completely wrong.

Anyway the Sox have a 2.5 lead over the Rays for 1^st in the AL East. The division title is so much more important now because of the 1 game wildcard playoff. I don’t think I could survive watching the Red Sox in a one game playoff. Way too much anxiety , I’ll be sweating, swearing and sharting myself for 33-4 straight hours and that is just not a good situation for anyone in my household. So 46 games left and I think we need b/w 95-98 wins to lock up the division. That means 25-28 more wins or a 54%-61% winning percentage the rest of the way.

Now let’s look at the remaining schedule and see if this is possible.

Royals:                  4 games away
Giants:                  3 games away
Dodgers:              3 games away
White Sox:          3 games home
Tigers:                   3 games home
Rockies:               2 games away
Orioles:                 6 games home, 3 games away
Yankees:              6 games home, 4 games away
Blue Jays:            3 games home, 3 games away
Rays:                     3 games away

I’m thinking we can grab 26 of these, so that makes the magic number 96. Each Thursday I will keep a tab of how close we are to that magic # and if it is realistic. I might also start keeping an eye on what the Rays need to do to catch us. Buckle down everyone, should be a hell of a ride.

Mark McGwire wishes he was never part of the PED era

"You know, that's a tough question. Wish I was never part of it. Obviously, you wish there were things in place earlier, but they were put in 2003 so let's hope and pray this is the end of it. Everybody, especially the players, don't want any more part of it. Just hope this is the end of it."

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllllsssshhiiitttttt Get out of here buddy. If it was not for your constant roid cycles you would have been out of the league very early guy. I mean does anyone remember this guy playing 1^st base? He was a trainwreck. The year McGwire hit 70 home runs (1998) he had 12 errors, the next year he hit 65 homers but had 13 errors. To put that in perspective Mike Napoli has played 97 games so far this season at 1^st and he has 5 errors. AND!!! This is the most games ever Napoli has ever played at 1^st. In today’s MLB no way McGwire has a job because he cant fucking play the field. He’d be lucky to get a DH gig w/ a team like the Blue Jays for the veteran minimum.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Mexico! Watch Out….. Part Dos

The WAFFLE TACO! God this looks gross. Anything from Taco bell looks gross, but in order to get back our fattest country in the world title from Mexico we need to start eating a lot more calories with our 1^st meal of the day, because clearly donuts, muffins and hash browns ain’t cutting it. So you start off your day w/ the waffle taco and then for lunch you head to Dunks for your pretzel sandwich. Now we just need one of our great American fast food joints to come up w/ a high calorie dinner. I’m thinking two slices of cheese pizza with pulled pork in the middle of it. Slap on some BBQ sauce on that mofo and there you go. Call in the Pulled Pizza sandwich. Dominoes, call me.

Boston Strong Defined

Hells YES!!!!!!! Never been more proud than now to be from Boston than I am right now. Seriously nothing is keeping this city down. You terrorist bastards tried to ruin one of the city’s best days of the year and we come back and make a statement “ NO Effn Way!!!” We are coming back next year with even more runners.

Texas!

This is just another reason why I would have no problem w/ Texas deciding to become their own country. I mean this video right here proves the overall stupidity of their inbred state. “I hit the reset button before my last frame” ON THE WAY TO A PERFECT GAME!!!!!!!! I think this fuck up by Lou Walker here is worse than a combo of the Bill Buckner error and the Grady Little game combined. Focus Lou! Also I think Lou needs to maybe start a new hobby like I don’t know, running on a treadmill.

PS. The announcer is a doofus.

4 year old Mayor Relected

The worst part about this is this cocky son of a bitch actually talks better than Menino. I would take this kid over Menino 8 days a week.

Monday, August 5, 2013

I don’t get why everyone has the biggest hard-on for Johnny Manziel

Or as they say “Johnny Football”. 1^st things 1^st I fucking hate that nickname. Why is he so special to be named Johnny Football? Because he has a hot girlfriend and won the Hiesman? You know who else had a hot girlfriend? Lyle Lovett. What the fuck is that guy doing know? And you know someone else who won the Heisman? Jason White. That guy now works at the deli counter at Shaw's in Canton. I know because I was there yesterday. I Know I know I’m being a hater, but what the fuck has this kid done? I mean he beat Alabama at Alabama. That is impressive , I’ll give him that. And the Cotton Bowl performance was pretty ballsy, but it wasn’t even a BCS bowl. I don’t even know who A&M played in that game. (Note they played Oklahoma. good win, but still the Bama win is more impressive) The media builds up this guy like the 2^nd coming of Brady. I don’t even care about the off the field stuff. The whole getting paid for autographs is criminal….. on the part of the NCAA!!!!!!!! And I could care less if he smokes a joint or two. But lets stick to football here because that is all that the NFL cares about. (Well that and don’t kill a guy during the offseason) I just checked out the 2014 mock draft on Walter Football and he has Teddy Bridgewater from Louisville and Tajh Boyd from Clemson ahead of Johnny Football in next years draft. So I think we should be talking about these guys more than Johnny freaking football. I mean bridgewater shocked the football world by beating Florida in the Sugar Bowl this past January. NO ONE saw that coming and he was on fire against the Gators. Lastly Teddy Bridgewater dressed in drag so he’d probably be a huge hit in the gay community. This is more of a shocker to me than a college QB from a powerhouse program having a hot girlfriend. I mean you are the college QB on a national powerhouse!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HOT GIRLFRIEND!!!!! Now dress in drag???? Well sir that is some news.

PS I think I just answered my own question after blogging this. After dealing w/ Manti Teo and his fake g/f and teddy bridgewater dressing in drag people are probably just relieved and shocked to see someone live the American Dream of being a college QB.